RAW kicks off with Daniel Bryan YES!ing his way to the ring. It looks like we are getting a rematch from this past Fridays Smackdown.
Singles Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett w/Brad Maddox as special referee-
Bryan starts off with an Irish whip/drop down/drop kick combo. Bryan later takes Barrett down with a dragon screw leg whip. Bryan works over Barrett’s leg. Barrett retreats to the outside. Bryan misses his diving knee off the apron. Barrett sends Bryan careening into the barricade. Barrett set Bryan up in the corner and hits a huge kick to Bryan’s gut. Barrett takes Bryan outside again and sends him chest first into the ring steps. Barrett is going to town on Bryan right now. Barrett sends Bryan into the corner, but Bryan back flips over him and clotheslines him. Barrett Bryan goes for a head kick, but Barrett rolls up Bryan from behind. Maddox wins the Olympic gold for the fastest three count in history.
Wade Barrett defeats Daniel Bryan via in fall.
'I used to be a World title contender... then I took an arrow to the knee...' Source: www.wwe.com
Singles Match: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow-
Seriously who the hell designed Sandow’s new MITB briefcase? It looks like it belongs in a mall candy store. Sandow handcuffs it to the ring post because Sandow’s opponent at Summer Slam Magnum TA … err…. I mean Cody Rhodes is out for commentary. Rhodes said he stopped Sandow from cashing in last week because he refuses to let Sandow become World Champion before he does. I can totally relate to that logic. Notice I skipped over the open of this match. Why you ask??? Because as ALWAYS an Orton match ended up in the corner! This is going to be a new theme with me. I will just skip over the first three minutes of every Orton match because I am giving myself carpal tunnel syndrome typing the same thing over and over again. Oh, if you were wondering, Orton just drop kicked Sandow to the outside.
After a commercial break, Sandow is working over Orton. He sends Orton of the top to the outside. Orton kicks out at two. Sandow knees Orton a few times and follows up with a Russian leg sweep. After the Elbow of Distain, Sandow goes for a pin, but only gets another two count. Swinging neck breaker by Sandow, but again only a two count. Sandow hits the corner and walks into an Orton powerslam. Sandow rolls out of the ring, but Orton grabs him and DDT’s him through the ropes. Orton calls for the RKO, but Sandow ducks out of the ring to avoid the devastating finishing maneuver. Sandow sends Orton into the ring apron, rolls him into the ring but AGAIN only gets a two count. Rhodes tries to steal the briefcase once again, which distracts Sandow long enough for Orton to RKO him.
Randy Orton defeats Damien Sandow.
The Shield are backstage. Rollins tells us they are the new guard and the old guard needs to step aside. Reigns challenges any two men willing to take a shot at them at Summer Slam for the belts to step up. There is going to be a battle royal tonight with the winner getting a shot at Ambrose U.S. Title. Ambrose says the only way he is losing to the winner of the battle royal is if the ghost of Andre the Giant wins it. Believe in him and believe in The Shield. It’s hard not to at his point. Extra points to Ambrose for the Andre reference. For all intents and purposes, RVD should win and go on to face Ambrose. If that happens, there is no way RVD should win. Not because he can’t beat Ambrose, but because RVD doesn’t need to win. He doesn’t need to be the U.S. Champion. Ambrose on the other hand, could still use a “rub” as the say (oh get your mind out of the gutter) from an already established star. I know what you are about to say: But The Shield have beaten EVERYBODY! This is true, but it’s THE SHIELD who have beaten everyone, NOT Dean Ambrose himself. See the difference?
CM Punk is backstage and he tells us he isn’t stupid, he knows Heyman has something up his sleeve. Let’s file that one under DUH.
Mix Tag Match: AJ and Big E. Langston vs. Natalya and The Great Khali-
AJ is firmly in control of Natty. AJ hits a kick to Natty’s gut then the Shinning Wizard. AJ gets distracted by Hornswoggle and gets put in the Sharpshooter and taps… I think? I guess the ref didn’t see it… or something. I have no idea what just happened. In any event, Natty slaps on the Sharpshooter again. So AJ can tap out. AGAIN (someone just got fired over this).
Natalya and The Great Khali defeat AJ and Big E. Langston via submission.
So one of the stars of Total Divas just beat the Divas champion, who actually has a match at Summer Slam. Yeah they totally have their priorities in order. If you weren’t clear, that was sarcasm.
Vince McMahon pimp walks to the ring in his purple shirt and maroon jacket (I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tired). Vince calls Brad Maddox to the ring to explain why he fast counted Bryan earlier tonight. Maddox said he got excited and maybe made a mistake. Vince says everyone makes mistakes and its ok. Maddox asks for a second chance. Maddox wants to be the guest ref in the WWE title match at Summer Slam. Vince asks him if he could be impartial. Maddox says he can. Vince is about to make Maddox the special guest ref for the title match, but HHH music hits. HHH Pedigrees the SH*T out of Maddox and makes himself the special guest referee. I enjoyed watching Maddox get Pedigreed, but I am not sure how I feel about this... if you want to know my thoughts you have to by the BOOK… ok there is no book, but there will be an article about the WWE title match soon. Stay tuned people.
Singles Match: Kane vs. Titus O’Neal-
Ok, Kane just beat all three members of 3MB the other day. How the heck are we supposed to believe Titus has a chance? Lack of logic much? Kane gets the win after a chokeslam. It’s crazy how every week a singles competitor gets to beat up a member of the tag division.
Kane defeats Titus O’Neal via pin fall.
After the match The Wyatt family SLOWLY make their way to the ring. Bray sits in his rocking chair. When the lights come on and Bray’s goons are in the ring, Kane isn’t. He is on the stage. Kane sets the post on fire and stairs at the Wyatt’s… Menacingly.
Ok… They just showed a promo for Total Divas that showed Natalya walking around in her underwear… I THINK I should probably start watching it. Oh I guess there is going to be a match between the girls on the show or something like that… I don’t know was to busy thinking about Natty in her skivvies to pay attention.
Singles Match: World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston-
This match is a bit of a shocker. I wouldn’t think Kofi would be in the ring with the world champ at any point, but let’s see where this goes. Del Rio attacks Kofi head on. Kofi ends up hitting a jumping European uppercut. Kofi goes up top but Del Rio crotches him on the top. Del Rio puts Kofi in the tree of woe and kicks him right in the chest. Del Rio hits an amazing reverse suplex of the top. Kofi barley kicks out. Del Rio goes for a double stomp while Kofi is in the rope but Kofi sidesteps him and Del Rio ends up on the outside. Kofi hits his combo and ends with the boom drop, Del Rio kicks out before the three count. Kofi hits SOS, but Del Rio kicks out again. Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise, but Del Rio ducks. Kofi tries a spring board, but Del Rio catches him mid-air with a gut buster. Del Rio locks on the Cross Arm Breaker for the dupe.
Alberto Del Rio defeats Kofi Kingston via submission.
Renee is backstage with Christian. He says he is going to prove all he needed was one more match. Del Rio interrupts and says something in Spanish. Christian acts as if he is upset by what Del Rio said to him. We all know he has no idea what Del Rio said.
Tag Team Match: The Real Americans w/Zeb Colter vs. The Usos-
I swear Colter is either the best actor on the roster or the biggest racist on the planet, either way he is AWESOME… Or that mustache has some hypnotic powers that make me think he is awesome… not sure which it is. The Usos get the win after roll up.
The Usos defeat The Real Americans.
MIZ TV featuring Daniel Bryan and John Cena-
*Sigh* oh joy, it’s Miz TV. Does anyone enjoy these segments? Seriously, if you do, please tell me so in comments. The sad thing is I actually like The Miz but… but… ah forget it. Random funny, last I checked all three guys in the ring hated each other. Cena tells Miz he must be loving this because this is the biggest Miz TV ever because this segment is always a train wreck (THANK YOU!!!). Miz ask what the underlying issue between the two of them is. Cena says there isn’t one. Bryan deserves the match. The Miz says Cena doesn’t respect him. Bryan goes off and Cena tries to tell him that’s not what he meant. Bryan yells at him not to interrupt him. Bryan says Cena is in it for the fame, not the wrestling. Bryan says his “The Beard is here” shirt is a parody of Cena. He goes on to say John Cena is a parody of WRESTLING (OUCH).
'John Cena... you are NOT the father...' Source: www.wwe.com
Cena says the reason he is out here is the same reason Bryan is. Cena says it’s all about loyalty. Cena says Bryan isn’t the first and won’t be the last to question him. He could care less what Bryan thinks. All he cares about, only opinion who matters is the fans. Cena goes on to list the people he has beaten. Bryan says Cena listed them as if they are somehow better. Cena retorts they are. He can’t put Bryan in their class because he doesn’t belong yet. Bryan says that’s exactly what he thought. Cena doesn’t respect him. Bryan says there is a custom he learned in Japan. Before big matches to fire up their opponent, they would slap each other in the face as hard as they could. Bryan says he wishes he could do that to Cena, but Cena isn’t a WRESTLER. Cena gets pissed and smacks the crap out of Bryan. Bryan gets close to Cena and tells him, you don’t deserve it.
HHH makes his way to the ring and separates Cena and Bryan. Randy Orton come out on the stage and holds up his MITB briefcase. Foreshadowing at its best.
Singles Match: R-Truth vs. Fandango w/Summer Rae-
Hmmmmmmmm interesting choice for a match after the Cena/Bryan segment. As you probably predicted, this turns into a dance contest of sorts, before Fandango gets upset and attacks Truth. Truth sends Fandango crashing to the outside. I guess that was the match? I again have no idea what happened.
R-Truth vs. Fandango ends in utter confusion.
20 Man Battle Royal for a shot at the US Title-
The last two superstars in the ring end up being Rob Van Dam and Mark Henry. RVD gets the win after Henry goes flying over the top rope while trying to clothesline RVD.
RVD wins the battle royal.
After the match Henry fist bumps RVD and starts to leave. The Shield makes their way through the crowd. Henry gets back in the ring. As The Shield surrounds the ring, The Big Show makes his return and stands tall with Henry and RVD.
Main Event Singles match: CM Punk vs. Paul Heyman-
Heyman comes down to the ring wearing ring gear from the Irwin R. Shyster (IRS) collection. Heyman says of COURSE he was setting a trap for Punk. Brock Lesnar appears. Heyman call out Punk. Punk’s music hits, but Punk never comes out. Punk sneaks up behind Lesnar and smacks him in the head with a video camera. Brock rolls out of the ring. Punk dives out of the ring onto Lesnar. Punk grabs a chair and beats the hell out of Lesnar with it. Punk turns his sites to Heyman. He chases Heyman up the ramp. Curtis Axel tries to save Heyman, but gets put to sleep by Punk.
'Punk, I said its time for Lesnar's close up... YOUR DOING IT WRONG!' Source: www.wwe.com