RAW kicks off with HHH and his wife Stephanie in the ring plugging the road to Wrestlemania. HHH welcomes back the returning Batista, but Randy Orton comes out instead. He is none too happy. He asks the Authority who the hell they think they are. Steph goes in on him. Tells him his actions last week were deplorable. If he doesn't like how things are run he doesn’t have to be employed anymore. Orton complains that HHH brought back Brock Lesnar and Batista to spite him.
"Please don't take my balls..." source: www.wwe.com
HHH tells Orton that it is clear Orton has lost his confidence. The final straw was losing to Kofi Kingston last Monday. Orton needs to get his mojo back. He will have a rematch with Kofi tonight.
Before Orton can respond Batista’s music hits. Batista is still in damn good shape and his entrance is still amazing.
Batista kisses the middle of the ring. It must be good to be back. Side note: that stomach tat still makes Batista look like a douche. Just saying.
Batista tells Orton he is back for the world title. Period. It doesn’t matter who the champion is.
Can’t help but realize the fact that the crowd went dead as soon as Batista started talking. Come to think of it, he never really did light it up on the mic, but that wasn’t good… at all.
It’s announced that the New Age Outlaws will get a shot at the WWE tag team titles. Love the Outlaws, but if they actually win, the Usos should be pissed. Just saying.
We have our first match of the night:
Six Man Tag Match: World Tag Team Champions The Rhodes Dynasty and IC Champion Big E. Langston vs. The Shield-
Langston starts off with a huge press slam on Ambrose. He tags in Cody who immediately starts getting the crap kicked out of him (that was fast). Rollins misses a punch, Cody goes for the disaster kick, but Rollins duck and rolls out of the ring. Cody dives off the top with an insane splash on Rollins.
After a short break The Shield is back to working over Cody. Rollins traps Cody in the corner and charges in with a splash but Cody moves out of the way. Before Cody can tag out, Rollins tags in Reigns, who eats a disaster kick by Cody. Cody final tags in Langston. Ambrose is in. Langston crushes Ambrose with a big belly to belly. He clotheslines Reigns out of the ring. Ambrose comes off the top, but Langston catches him mid-air and overhead belly to bellys him. Reigns breaks up Langston’s pin. Cody gets back in the ring and tries to hit the disaster kick on Reigns again but Reigns hits him with a diving Superman punch mid-air. That was sick. He then Spears Goldust. Langston gets distracted and Rollins knocks him silly after his head stomp finisher. Yes you read that right. Rollins actually got the pin. For once.
"This has to hurt" Source: WWW.WWE.COM
The Shield wins via pin fall.
Daniel Bryan is out next. Thankfully he left his janitor outfit at home. Bryan says he joined the Wyatts to get his hands on Bray Wyatt. It was all about getting him alone. Seriously doubt that was the WWE’s original plan, but hey, it works. Bryan says he exposed Bray (Ewwww). Bryan says he is going to go one on one with Bray at the Rumble.
The screen goes black. Bray shows up on the ‘tron and calls Bryan a traitor… which obviously hurt Bryan’s feelings… Yes that was sarcasm.
Bray tells Bryan to go home and apologize to his mother because everything that happens to Bryan from this point on is his fault.
Bray sounds like an upset ex-girlfriend.
Singles Match: Xavier Woods vs. Fandango-
R-Truth is on commentary… Why? No clue. Fandango hits a sit out slam on Woods, then his diving leg drop. The match is over all ready. Ok, what just happened? This is the second match in a row that Woods got jobbed out in under two minutes.
Fandango wins via pin.
Kane is backstage arguing with Brad Maddox. Steph comes in and kicks out Brad. She tells Kane it was unacceptable what he did to CM Punk last week. She tells Kane he needs to apologize to CM Punk. Once again, that is not going to end well.
Steph just collected another set of WWE superstar balls. Maybe she will make a nice set of earrings out of Kane’s…
Can’t help but wonder where all of this is going. Will it be Punk vs. Kane at the Rumble? Or will the rumored HHH vs. Punk match at ‘Mania finally happen? Another questions, is Punk ever going to main event a Wrestlemania?
Punk makes his way to the ring and actually apologizes. Well sorta.
Punk tells him he didn’t hear him and asks him to repeat himself. Punk socks Kane and knocks him out of the ring. Maddox comes out and tells them both if Punk wants a fight he will get one. He will face one of the New Age Outlaws. Side note: Isn’t calling them the “New Age Outlaws” a bit of an oxymoron at this point?
Singles Match: CM Punk vs. Bad Ass Billy Gunn-
Punk is in control early, but gets distracted by Road Dogg long enough for Gunn to take control.
After a short break Gunn has Punk in a sleeper hold in the middle of the ring. Pun fights out of it, but Gunn lands one of his patented drop kicks. Man he got high on that one. Gunn takes his shirt off and throws it at Punk. Punk gets up and kicks Gunn so hard he flies out of the ring. Punk slides out of the other side of the ring and beats the crap out of Road Dogg. Gunn is in the corner. Punk does the DX crotch chop and runs in with his high knee. Road Dogg gets on the apron and distracts Punk. Gunn hits a tilt-a-whirl slam on Punk. Gunn goes for the Famasser, but Punk reverses it into the GTS for the win.
CM Punk wins via pin fall.
After the match, Kane comes out and informs Punk that he will be the first entrant in this year’s Royal Rumble.
Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman are shown walking into the back of the arena. Side note: Why the hell isn’t Brock wearing a coat? Sorry but little things like that stick out.
Great Mae Young tribute. No one gets put through a table like her. She was awesome.
Singles Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio-
Ok, this is a clear sign they have no idea what to do with Del Rio: He fights the same people over and over again. No direction what so ever. He has to fight each wrestler 4-5 weeks in a row before moving on to the next series of 4-5 matches against another person. Even money says he fights Rey on Smackdown again this week.
Quick start to the match. Rey and Del Rio trade punches. Del Rio drops low and Rey stomps on his face.
Del Rio tries his diving stomp but gets caught up in the ropes. Rey goes to the outside and kicks Del Rio right in the face. While Del Rio is on the outside, Rey hits an Asai Moonsault. Rey sets up Del Rio and the corner and hits a baseball slide to Del Rio Mexican jumping beans. Rey gets tripped up in the corner. Del Rio sets Rey up on the second rope then hits a jumping stomp to Rey’s throat. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Del Rio.
Random: raise your hand if you want to see a Del Rio/Batista feud… yeah, didn’t think so.
After the break, Del Rio sends Rey into the steel steps. Del Rio goes after Rey’s mask.
Rey charges Del Rio and ends up going shoulder first into the ring post. Del Rio tries a shoulder block in the corner, but Rey pulls up and Del Rio goes flying into the ring post. Rey goes up top and hits a flying senton on Del Rio. Rey goes up and flattens Del Rio with a seated senton. Only gets a two count. Del Rio picks up Rey for an Alabama slam, but Rey reverses and sends Del Rio into the ropes. Rey goes for the 619, but Del Rio catches him. Del Rio tries the cross arm breaker, but Rey rolles out and hits the 619 and the tadpole splash from the top. Del Rio grabs the ropes. Rey goes for a spring board, but Del Rio slams him down. Del Rio slaps on the cross arm breaker and Rey taps.
Alberto Del Rio wins via submission.
Batista’s music hits. He goes face to face with Del Rio. Batista demolishes Del Rio with a spine buster, then a standing Batista Bomb.
"Looks like someone ripped his skinny jeans..." source: WWW.WWE.Com
Big Show is making his way down the ramp. This has to be mentioned: Lesnar gets an A+ for going ass over elbow for Big Show when he tossed him.
Show does a spot on impression of Heyman’s “Brock Lesnar” shtick. Show calls Lesnar out. Predictably, Heyman comes out, sans Lesnar.
Ok, Lesnar does actually come out. That’s shocking.
Since this worked out so well the last time, show of hands: how many people want to see a Big Show/Brock Lesnar match?
Source: WWW.WWE.COM
Yeah… Didn’t think so.
Lesnar goes down to the ring, but turns around and leaves. Show tells Lesnar to get his ass back down here. Lesnar turns back around and walks to the ring.
Lesnar stands face to face with Show. Lesnar flinches at Show and Show jumps. Lesnar tries a double leg takedown which fails miserably. Show picks Lesnar up and tosses him over the top rope. Lesnar goes nuts and destroys the announce table and grabs a chair. He tries to get in the ring but Show stomps on the chair before Lesnar could stand up in the ring. Lesnar takes a walk. After that, who could blame him.
Divas Tag Team Match: Divas Champion AJ Lee and Tamina vs. The Funkadactyals
Apparently, Bad New Barrett told AJ on the WWE app that no one came to her party because no one likes her. She went nuts and throws her cake in Shiesel, err, Tamina’s face.
It is a shame that AJ’s long title reign is floundering. She has no challengers. Well correction, No strong challengers. They really need to invest some time into at least one Diva to make them a legit challenger. Naomi rolled up AJ with a small package for the win. Maybe the challenger we are looking for will be Naomi.
The Funkadactyals win via pin fall.
Tag Team Match: The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family-
How sad is it that it’s easier to understand what the Usos yell during their entrance than it was to understand what the hell Richard Sherman was yelling about at the end of the NFC Championship game.
"I want the gold sucka, Michael Crabtree, we coming for you..."
I would love to see The Usos actually get to win the tag titles.
Hey no Wyatts theme song? Rip off. Harper and Rowen take turns beating on Jimmy Uso. Rowen tosses Jimmy to the outside. Harper tries to chop Jimmy in the chest, but Jimmy moves and Harper chops the ring post. That had to hurt. Jey dives off the apron and splashes Harper.
Jimmy hits a cross body off the top, but Rowen makes the save before the three count. Rowen tries to clothesline Jimmy over the top but it doesn’t go as planned. He ends up tossing him through the middle rope.
Jimmy tries to go to the top rope, but Harper throws him off the top. Jimmy lands chin first on the barricade.
After the break, Harper is working over Jimmy Uso with a headlock. Jey tries to fight out of it, but gets run over by Harper. Bray grabs a mic and tells everyone this is the punishment their hero Daniel Bryan will have to go through this Sunday.
Jimmy goes up and hits a rolling senton on Harper. He finally gets to the corner and tags in Jimmy. Jimmy takes out Harper and superkicks Rowen off the apron. He picks up Harper for a Samoan drop. Harper hits an Michinoku driver on Jimmy. Daniel Bryan runs down and attacks Bray. Harper gets distracted and Jey rolls him up from behind.
The Usos defeated the Wyatt Family via pin fall.
Singles Match: WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston-
The following question has to be asked: will any of this lead to a push for Kofi? Orton and Kofi tie up and Orton pushes Kofi into the corner and wales on him. Orton tosses Kofi down and then asks where John Cena is. Orton turns around and Kofi tackles him and lands a flurry of punches. They fight on the outside of the ring. Orton smashes Kofi’s head into the announce table over and over again. Cover by Orton, only a two count.
Orton mocks Cena’s “You can’t see me” taunt, then suplexes Kofi. Orton gets caught in a backslide, but kicks out at one. He immediately clotheslines Kofi. Orton set Kofi up for his ddt, but Kofi reverses it into the SOS. Orton kicks out at two. John Cena is shown walking into the arena… in just a tee shirt (rolls eyes).
Orton Tries to get away, but Kofi stops him from getting away. Cena runs down the ramp and beat the crap out if Orton. Cena throws Orton into the crowd. They fight all the way up the steps in the arena. Cena tries to give Orton the Attitude Adjustment on the steps, but Orton fights out. They fight all the way up to the sky boxes. Cena loses Orton. Cena goes outside and we see Orton getting into a car and driving away.
"This almost became a dear sister moment... Goggle it." source: www.wwe.com
This was a good go home show for the upcoming Royal Rumble PPV. It set up all the main storylines well and may have started some new ones. This Punk/Authority issue could lead to Punk vs. Kane and or Punk vs. HHH somewhere down the line. Big Show looks strong. Very strong. He looks like he could actually beat Lesnar. He won’t, but still. The Road to Wrestlemania has officially begun.