Raw kicks off with Roman Reigns music as he makes his way through the crowd. Roman hits the ring and goes on to say "He assesses and attacks" and he has assessed the situation. He sees Triple H's plan and it won't work. The crowd starts to chant "Cena Sucks!", Roman responds with a hilarious response "When Roman Reigns is in the house, ya damn right Cena sucks". Before Roman could finish, he is interrupted by Kane's familiar pyro and music. Kane stared at Roman and Roman stares back. Roman calls Kane Triple H's new lapdog. Then he corrects himself by calling Kane Randy Orton's bitch. Ouch. Kane has heard enough and makes his way to the ring.

The two exchange punches for a while and Roman clotheslines Kane over the barricade and into the crowd. Kane eventually gains the upper hand and brings the fight into the ring. Much to the crowds chagrin, referees come from the back and break up the fight. Kane choke slams one refs and Roman takes advantage and knocks Kane out of the ring. Fit Finlay and Jamie Noble hold Roman back for a few seconds before getting shoved and speared by Roman.

Kane attempts to get back in the ring but is hit with a Superman punch from Reigns. Kane makes his way back to the locker room with his tail between his legs. With no authority, the lunatics are running the asylum.

Raw returns with the creepy blackout effect throughout the arena. When the lights come back on in the ring stand Luke Harper and Erick Rowan. The Uso's music hits and it's looking like we're going to see the Usos and the Wyatt's again. WWE fans are the winners. As always, Luke starts off using his strength advantage, but it looks like after a bunch of matches, the Uso's have learned to look for that. All was going well until tone of the Usos tried to go punch for punch with Luke Harper.

Luke takes down Jimmy and tags in Erick. Erick is commanding the match until he goes for a leg drop and misses. Jimmy tags in Jay who comes out like a ball of fire. Erick regains control of the match after a missed flying splash attempt from Jay that leads to an Erick Rowan shoulder tackle. The Wyatt's keep control of the match until Luke attempts to throw Erick into Jay who's in the corner and Jay moves and Erick goes flying out of the ring.

Luke tries a big boot to the corner and he misses that as well. With both Wyatt's outside the ring, Jay makes his way to tag in Jimmy. Jimmy gets the tag right after Luke gets back in the ring and goes for an elbow and misses. Jimmy goes right to the top ropes after the tag and hits Luke with a flying splash. Jimmy goes for a Samoan drop and the pin but it's broken up by Erick. Erick tries to take Jay out of the match by tossing him out of the ring. Erick moves too slowly and Jay runs in the ring and goes flying Uso on hi from the inside to the outside of the ring.

 In the ring, Jimmy attempts a super kick, but is blocked and Luke gives him a super kick of his own. Jimmy kicks out at two. Luke sees Jay outside of the ring and attempts to do a diving head-butt but is greeted by a punch from Jay and turns around and gets a super kick from Jimmy. But Luke kicks out. Jimmy goes to the top to attempt the Snucka Splash but Erick throws Jay into the ring post knocking Jimmy off. Luke takes advantage and gives Jimmy a monster sit-out power bomb. At the count of two, Jay breaks up the count. After a couple of exchanges, Erick nails Jay (Who's not the legal man) with a clothesline and pins him for the win.

Luke Harper and Erick Rowen win via pin fall with a Luke Harper Dirty Tank top chance clothesline. 

Orton is backstage telling Kane that Roman had some nerve to put his hands on him and saying that if he did one more thing he was going to come out because he had his back. Just like he knows Kane will have his back at the Battleground Pay Per View. Rollins comes out of nowhere just to say he'll think twice before cashing in the bank. Orton says he's starting to hate Rollins. Kane responds saying, "Not nearly as much as I'm starting to hate you." Well, that was a long time coming.

Alicia Fox vs. Nikki Bella:

Alicia Fox and Nikki Bella apparently have to fight in a "One hand behind your back match". Long story short, Alicia Fox never had her arm tied behind her back and gave the worst pummeling ever. It was poorly worked and delivered. Both competitors should be ashamed of themselves. The match never started so there was no winner. The fans are the losers for having to look that "match".

Rusev vs. RVD:

Rusev has another squash match. RVD mounts little offense and Rusev doesn't sell it. That's pretty much it.

Winner: Rusev with the "Putin Commie Clutch".

Randy Orton vs. Dean Ambrose:

Randy Orton comes out to an... ovation? The crowd seems confused. They don't hate Orton or like him. It's like he's in WWE fan limbo. Dean Ambrose comes out and... no! He has not stopped wearing jeans to the rings. The fans stand and cheer for their hero. Orton and Ambrose exchange blows which are seemingly easy to counter. Especially when Orton continues to show boat. Sorry, can't do that with this crazy guy. Orton makes it point to attack the injured shoulder of Ambrose. Eventually, Orton gains complete control during the commercial by tossing Ambrose into both steel steps. Orton has since removed the protective tape on Ambrose's shoulder and hits him with a few submissions and knees while Ambrose is on the ground.

Orton attempts a back body drop but Ambrose reverses it and plants Orton with a DDT. Ambrose's control is short lived after Orton catches him with his signature drop kick. Orton apparently hasn't learned from his mistake because he goes to the second rope to gloat and as predicted, Ambrose takes advantage. Ambrose finally had enough and through some chairs in the ring to take care of Orton for good. Orton wisely gets out of the ring and eventually throws Ambrose into the steel post shoulder first. After a DDT on the outside of the ring, Orton rolls into the ring and waits for the ref to count Ambrose out. Ambrose jumps in at nine. Orton goes for another DDT, but it's reversed by Ambrose. Ambrose counters the RKO with a backslide and Orton kicks out after two. Orton Boots Ambrose in the face, Ambrose springs himself off the ropes but runs into the RKO. Orton is victorious

Winner Randy Orton via RKO.

After the match, Cena is being interviewed about his feelings on his title match at Battlegrounds. A match where Cena doesn't have to be pinned to lose the title.  As always, Cena says he'll get it done like he always does. Roman comes out and Cena says "strong words" and Roman wishes Cena good luck. Cena says he won't need luck. Roman says Cena will need more than luck to win at Battleground.

Alberto del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler: Winner fights Sheamus on Main Event for the U.S. Title:

Fandango is at the announce table. Fandango is saying he should be in this match. Until just now, this writer never noticed how creepy Fandango was. He keeps breathing way too heavy into the mic. Anyway, Del Rio has been dominant in this match thus far, Ziggler regains control after Del Rio misses a kick and Ziggler responds with a DDT. And as predicted, Fandango distracts Ziggler. With what you ask? With his Latin hip dance of non-lying while standing on the announce table. Del Rio capitalizes and kicks Ziggler in the head for the win.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio via pin fall with a super kick

So instead of a Dolph Ziggler push, we get to see him probably job to Fandango. Well, that's obviously good for business. Because that's what the fans want: more Fandango and not Ziggler.

Backstage, Stardust is talking to...well, Goldust's old wig. Stardust is talking to it about the "Roads" he takes. Get it? Roads? His last name is...never mind. Anyway, Goldust takes his wig back and says "Where we're going, we don't need any roads". These two are great.

The King is in the ring talking about the last time he was in the ring in Montreal, he didn't know if he'd make it back to the ring. Also, that night was supposed to be a great night for Pat Patterson and Bret Hart and then brings him out to the ring.

Before Bret could get a word out, the crowd chants "Thank you Bret". Bret responds with "Merci". Bret goes on to say that if he wrestling again, he'd do it in Montreal. After talking about how the rush is coming back to Montreal and in the ring, he's interrupted by his own music. And out comes Damian Sandow. I'm sorry. Bret "The Hitman" Sandhart. Sandhart begins to admit how embarrassed that he tapped to his idol and finishing move. And how the screw job was a fix. More than anything, he's upset that he'd never get to wrestle Damian Sandow. And after Sandhart says that talking wasn't his strong suit, The Hitman clocks hiim and says "No. Punching was". Sandow looked like he felt bad for doing that. Almost embarrassed.

Sheamus vs. Damian Sandhart: 

After the commercial break, Sandhart is in control using a couple of Bret Hart signatures. After attempting the sharpshooter, Sheamus grabs Sandhart's beard and that breaks the hold. And as predicted, Sheamus wins with a Brogue Kick.

Winner: Sheamus via pin fall with a Brogue kick. 

The Miz is being interviewed by Renee and he read a note from a fan about how happy he was he was back. The Miz is playing a Hollywood sellout, jerk, which is awesome. Pun intended. Even going on to say that Jericho could have ruined his career if he damaged his money making face.

The Miz vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho back in action and moving around the ring like he never left and dominating The Miz. Jericho attempts the Lionsault and is pushed out of the ring and out to the arena floor. Jericho fights out of The MIz's sleeper hold and responds back by attacking Miz's money maker… Err, his face. Miz stops his momentum with a boot to the face. The Miz attempts to get Jericho in the turnbuckle with a clothesline, but Jericho moves. Miz stops before he could hit the turnbuckle and is hit with an enziguri. Miz regains control with a face buster. The Miz attempts to make the Jericho tap to the figure four leg lock, but Jericho reaches the ropes which forces Miz to break the hold. Jericho gets up and punches Miz square in the face and put him in the Walls of Jericho. Miz taps out.

Winner: Jericho via Walls of Jericho.

After the match, the arena goes black and the Wyatt's screeching opening hits and Bray Wyatt is rocking back and forth in his rocking chair on the ramp. Bray Wyatt goes on to ask Jericho if he words will protect him and that actions speak louder than words. Jericho cuts him off and says, no, yells "Would you please, shut the hell up! ". Jericho goes on to say that he agrees that actions do speak louder than words and that now he is going to come up that ramp and beat his @$$. The lights go out again and as they cut back on, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan and behind him. Jericho stops cold in his tracks. The lights go out again and Raw goes to commercial.

Paige and AJ Lee vs. The Funkadactyles

Paige comes out and decides to introduce A.J. herself. Naomi starts the match on fire, but as she goes for a tag, "Bomb Dot Com" refuses to tag and Paige gains control. During the match, Cameron goes as far to even put lip gloss on. Cameron finally tags herself in and immediately gets hit with the Paige Turner. After the match the Funkadactyles have their tag team break up catfight.

Winner: Paige and AJ Lee and whoever loves a good catfight.

After the commercial break, Raw shows a replay of Cesaro completely demolishing Kofi Kingston last week. Paul Heyman is in the ring reminding us that he is the ONE in the ONE in TWENTY ONE and ONE. Cesaro grabs the mic and completely berates the Canadians continuing his official heel turn.

Kofi Kingston vs. Cesaro:

Kofi comes out like a bat out of hell with a couple of drop kicks. After Kofi goes to the top and Cesaro knocks him off. After a few well placed shots to Kofi's bandaged ribs, including a military press to a gut buster, Kofi beats Cesaro again with another roll up. And again, for the second week in a row, Cesaro attempted to dismantle Kofi. This time, Big E. stops the beating and sends Cesaro packing.

Cena and Rollins have a talk back stage. Only thing worth talking about is that Cena addressed the question everyone has been asking. What is Seth Rollins wearing? Well, Cena answered the question. It's a futuristic jumpsuit. Thanks Cena.

Raw comes back with a replay of Bo Dallas beating up a tiny minotaur on Smackdown.

The Bull - Bo Dallas:

This match was pointless. Bo Dallas wins with the Bo-Dog. The Bull just didn't Bolieve in himself enough. Hopefully the Bull will go and look up some of Bo Dallas' inspirational speeches.

Monday Night Raw Main Event:

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Mr. Money in the Bank Seth Rollins:

The match kicks off with what was looking like the normal Cena "I'm stronger than you" beginning, but Rollins has him well scouted. Rollins dodges the Cena bulldog and responds with a thrust kick to the stomach and gains control before Raw goes to it's final commercial break. Back from the break, Rollins is in control. Cena gains some control but almost immediately loses it after planting Cena with a DDT. Rollins takes a page out of Orton's book and brags instead of finishing Cena. Cena reverses a kick from Rollins into an attempted STF, that is in turned reversed by Rollins, which in turn gets reversed into a Cena sit out power bomb. No clue why he doesn't use that more. Cena eventually hits the five knuckle shuffle and goes for the Attitude adjustment. Rollins reverses it, but gets put into the STF. Rollins almost gets to the ropes, but Cena pulls him to the center of the ring. Just as it looks like Cena is about to tap out, Kane's pyro hits and out comes the Big Red Demon.

While Cena's back is turned, Orton hit Cena from behind. Before they could completely get the uper hand, Roman Reigns comes out to the ring. Kane leaves to intercept him and is greeted with a Superman punch that knocks Kane out. Roman gets into the ring and gives Orton and Superman Punch of his own. Rollins hits Reigns and Cena in the back of the head with the head with the Money in the Bank briefcase. Cena is out cold and Rollins is calling for a referee to cash in the contract. Before the match could get started, Ambrose makes good on his promise that he will be everywhere Rollins is when he tries to cash in that contract and beats the crap out of Ambrose all the way to the back stage area.

 Orton now smells blood in the water and attempts to RKO Cena and is met with an Attitude Adjustment by Cena. Kane comes from behind and grabs Cena by the throat preparing for a choke slam. Kane is hit with a spear from Roman Reigns before he could get is off. Roman Reigns stands tall and victorious and raises Cena's hand. Cena then raises Reigns hand in thanks for saving him. Raw ends with the two raising each other's hands as the fans picked whom they love and hate.

VAVEL Logo
About the author
Mark Lynch
Comic Books, movies, and TV. Enjoy the shenanigans and all the awesomeness.