Everybody loves an orgasm, preferably a big one too, if they are being handed out. However, you have to know when to choose the right moment to have one. Most football teams tend to make clumsy and often inept bedfellows, failing to warm us up beforehand, forgetting the candles and leaving the champagne in the hallway. When your time operates at this standard, an unexpected football orgasm, such as Betis’ last night, can be a welcome means of relieving tension.
However, there are no costless orgasms. Wigan had their biggest one ever last spring but before they had time to shower themselves down found the team relegated. There are hundreds of examples, most recently Valladolid beat Barcelona, but that might not save them, pastings from teams like Espanyol and Granada will be more probable to seal their fate than a fluke victory.
Of course, this is more than a fluke victory. Against the run of play, without doubt, though if you Google “cup tie upsets”, the Internet will probably need a long lie down and a cup of tea. Last night’s win goes beyond that. It will be inevitably etched into the city’s history, becoming the benchmark for conversations that begin “Were you there?” Years from now the match will be talked about, arguments will be settled by shouting the result at the hapless Sevilla fans, who will have to accept that they were beaten in their own backyard.
Not that the tie is over, far from it. Sevilla won 4-0 in the league this season at home and the season before that 5-1. Betis have not managed many clean sheets this season, with three of them coming in games neither side found the net, though a nil nil score line would delight Betis.
Or would it? Now is the perfect time to capitulate, provided, of course, the following conditions are complied with. Betis stay up. They have to play five teams who are in trouble. Of the bottom sides, they are arguably in the best form. If Sevilla were to slip through yet Betis stay up, then everybody could technically be happy, two orgasms for the price of one. Betis fans know that it would be typical of their team to go from heroics on Thursday to offering a pitiful display at the weekend. If they beat Elche, Malaga, Rayo, Almeria and Valladolid in the league, and sneak the odd point against teams in the top half, what could really decide the short-term fate of football in the city would be the league derby at home on April 13th. All of a sudden after a season of frustration, it could be time for some multiple orgasms in green and white.