In ring Segment: Evolution
The show kicks off with Evolution making their way to the ring. They all look worst for the wear. Especially Batista, who is doing his best “I’m a homeless guy who someone gave a nice suit to” impression. Seriously, It seems as though he came back, got booed and said to himself, “well... having a beard helped Daniel Bryan get over…” HHH rants about how this isn’t over and the Shield will be destroyed. Before HHH can finish Batista grabs the mic and says he is done fighting the Shield. He wants his world title shot. HHH says because of Daniel Bryan’s injury he can’t give him a title shot and even if he did Batista would probably choke anyway. Someone should apply ice to the sick burn HHH just gave Batista. Batista says he understands and he quits. He does a hilarious beauty queen wave and leaves the ring.
Well that didn’t go well. We all knew Batista would be taking some time off soon but having him quit again was a bit silly. Running an injury angle would have made a heck of a lot more sense.
Tag Match: US Champion Sheamus and Rob Van Dam vs. Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett and Cesaro-
A few notes: Why the heck does BNB still wear that cape? How does it fit with his gimmick? The heel (bad guy) tag team dominates much of the match. The majority of the match is spent beating down RVD. Sheamus gets the hot tag. Before Sheamus could Brogue kick Cesaro, Heyman pulls Cesaro out of the way. Cesaro and Heyman bail on BNB. Before BNB can gather himself, he eats a Brogue kick followed by the Five Star Frog Splash.
Sheamus and Rob Van Dam defeated Bad News Barrett and Cesaro via pin fall.
Fun match. Confusing ending though. Are they trying to build towards a BNB/Cesaro feud?
Ok, why is Damien Sandow dressed up like Lance Stephenson? What is happening right now? Who the heck did Sandow piss off? Mercifully, the Big Show’s music hits and this farce can finally end. Sandow delivers the line of the night: “How dare you interrupt my display of mad skills?” As expected this ends with Big Show almost knocking Sandow’s head off his shoulders with the WMD.
Singles match: Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas-
Bo Dallas has a face that you just want to hit with a baseball bat. This writer is walking away from this match in protest.
Ok, we’re back. Bo Dallas wins. Yay.
Side note: Bo’s finisher is Stratusfaction. Just let that sink in for a bit.
In ring segment: Stephanie McMahon-
Steph tells the world that Daniel Bryan showed his true colors last night when he refused to surrender the world title. Steph goes on to say Daniel Bryan will face Kane at Money in the Bank in a stretcher match. If he can’t compete the Money in the Bank ladder match will be for the vacated world title. Before she can finish John Cena’s music hits and he runs down to the ring. Cena goes on to tell Steph she is a spoiled trash bag h… Sorry, had a Jericho flash back. Cena goes on to say the reason Daniel Bryan won’t give up the title is because he knows he won’t get another chance. Cena tells Steph that at the end of the day, she sucks. John this writer sees what you did there. Steph tells Cena he will face Kane right now.
Singles Match: Kane vs. John Cena-
This was a quick one. Kane got himself DQ’d.
After the match Kane tries to set Cena up for a Tombstone on the steel steps. Cena Counters and launches the steel steps at Kane. Cean high tails it out of there. Smart man.
Something happened with 3MB and Los Matadores or some junk. It’s hard to pay attention to a tag match when everyone is focused on the feud between their Mini managers. Let’s just move on.
Handicapped Divas Match: Nikki Bella vs. Aksana and Alicia Fox-
This match is clearly punishment for Nikki having the same last name as Brie. Alicia pins Nikki after the Ax kick.
Aksana and Alicia Fox defeated Nikki Bella.
After the match they continue the beat down on Nikki.
Singles Match: Adam Rose w/Friends vs. Jack Swagger w/Zeb Colter-
This was another short and uneventful match. Rose gets the win and no one in the crowd seemed to really care. The whole Adam Rose on the main roster thing isn’t really working. The NXT crowd loves him though. It’s like night and day.
After watching the Usos cut a promo that ends with one barking like a dog and the other pulling him by the hair on thing is for sure: The Usos are insane.
Tag Match: Tag Team Champions The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family-
Harper tries his signature Lariat, but Jey counters it and super kicks him. Rowen makes a blind tag and destroys Jey with a jumping sidewalk slam.
The Wyatt Family defeated the Usos via pin fall.
This was a fun match. It will most likely lead to a title shot and the Usos dropping the titles. In all honesty, that’s probably not a bad thing. The tag division has been so week for the past few years it is good to see actual tag teams (not super teams like DX or Rated RKO) chase the belts.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler-
Sigh what are the chances Ziggler actually wins this match? Ziggler hits an X-factor off the top ropes, but Del Rio managed to somehow kick out. Del Rio locks on the Cross-arm Breaker for the win.
Alberto Del Rio defeated Dolph Ziggler via submission.
So WWE Creative thinks the WWE Universe wants to see Del Rio in a ladder match over Ziggler. Yeah, that makes sense.
Tag Team Match: Goldust and Sin Cara vs. Rybaxel-
Cody picked Goldust tag partner because he thinks he needs a new partner. Even money says after the second or third tag partner, Cody has an epiphany and tells Goldust he is the problem and not Cody. Wrestling booking 101. Sin Cara misses a senton of the top. Axel hits his finish on Cara to pick up the win.
Rybaxel defeated Goldust and Sin Cara.
In all honesty, a Cody/Goldust feud has the potential to be very interesting. Have Dusty be the ref and boom, you have a solid ppv angle.
In ring segment: Rusev gets an award… Of some sort.
Rusev stands on a podium (think the Olympics) and his given an award. Yes, that was pretty much it. Literally nothing happened.
Singles Match: Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns-
Before the match starts HHH comes out and tells the Shield the thing he is best at is adapting. He always has a plan b. Seth Rollins takes a steel chair and beats the heck out of both Reigns and Ambrose. Wow. Is Rollins the newest member of Evolution? What a twist. No one saw this coming.