It was announced Tuesday evening in Zurich that the FIFA Ethics Committee has banned former Vice President Jack Warner.

Really it isn't news at all. The only news about this is that it took this long for FIFA to get around to banning the world's biggest thief. However the timing of this is rather peculiar and has all the hints of a magic trick.

Last Friday the Swiss Attorney General announced they had opened an investigation into FIFA President Sepp Blatter. While there is some dispute about just what, if anything, Blatter did wrong it may seem that the AG is far cleverer than we may think in light of Warner's ban.

It's hard not to find the whole situation smelly and reeking of Blatter's fingerprints as he moves pieces around on the board to protect himself. At this point in time all the old man cares about is to protect himself and make sure he can keep himself on the throne for as long as humanly possible. If nothing else, for him to gracefully step down to thunderous applause in February of 2016 as he shapes the future of FIFA beforehand.

With that goal in mind, is it really hard to believe that presenting the world with a FIFA-sanctioned villain to get the press off the top dog's back?

And to be honest, Warner is the worst of the worst when it comes to villains. He left FIFA in disgrace after helping to bribe Caribbean officials to vote for a rival to Blatter in the 2011 election. The deal was simple: leave FIFA and never come back and we won't go after you for all the bad things you did. Warner didn't leave without issuing his own threat, mentioning that if FIFA came after him he would unleash a tsunami of evidence against their top brass.

It seemed like a good deal for years until the Swiss investigators stopped protecting FIFA and instead, with the support of the American Department of Justice, started investigating them. Now with Blatter in emergency mode and the Ethics Committee in a bit of a bind, it seems as good a time as any to give the world press a villain to distract them.

Like any good magic trick, there needs to be a distraction and that is Warner. He's being served up on a platter and it wouldn't be surprising if evidence is helpfully found to support the government's case against Warner. The fact that he has no friends in Trinidad left to call on will only help spur things along. The quicker his trial begins in Manhattan the quicker the press will have something else to cover, giving Blatter a little more room to maneuver.

What is the magic trick then? Blatter won't want to go to jail. He'll do anything to avoid going to jail. If it means serving up those around him, he'll be happy to do so.

Don't be distracted by the hoopla around Warner's ban. It means little in the grand scheme of things. It's just another in a long line of punishments that await the old man. He has a destiny awaiting him in Manhattan that'll see him spend the rest of his life in jail. That will play itself out organically.

The prize, though, is Blatter. The Swiss AG is attempting to force the Ethics Committee's hand here. They've shown that they will suspend anyone under a criminal investigation. They have the ball and what they do with it will determine everyone else's next move. That is the story about this ban.

Everyone else has gotten theirs. Now it's time for Blatter to get his.

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About the author
Kyle Nowotny
Long-time Houston sports fan, season-ticket holder for the Houston Dynamo and sports writer since August 2014. BA in Creative Writing from the University of Houston.