In Ring Segment: The Authority-
The entire Authority is in the ring while Seth Rollins drones on and on about how Dean Ambrose doesn’t deserve a title shot and that Stephanie decided to give him a title shot under direst. Triple H says if Ambrose wants his title shot at Elimination Chamber he needs to come to the ring right now and sign the contract. On the spot wrestling contract signing? Yeah this will end well. Ambrose comes out and says after Sunday he will be the new face of WWE. Rollins seems to be intimating that this will be Ambrose’s only shot. If that is the case, Ambrose is going to win Money in the Bank. Write it down and take a picture of it now. It’s inevitable.
Ambrose makes his way to the ring but before he gets in the ring, Roman Reigns music hits and he makes his way through the crowd to stand with Ambrose. The odds just became a bit more even. Steph tells Ambrose he has until the end of the night to sign the contract. She also books Rollins and Kane vs. Ambrose and Reigns. Interesting choice for an opening match. This almost guarantees that something screwy is going to happen at the end of RAW. How interesting would it be if Reigns knocked out Ambrose at the end of the night and signed the contract himself?
This isn’t going to happen, but what if RAW closes with a Kevin Owens/John Cena promo. That would be quite telling. How much faith do they have in Owens? Let’s see were that angle falls on tonight’s go home episode of RAW.
Tag Team Match: WWE World Champion Seth Rollins and Kane vs. Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns-
Good back and forth action. Ambrose controls Kane. He tags in Reigns. Kane manages to tag in Rollins, who runs right into a Samoan drop by Reigns. Rollins tries a neck breaker but Reigns reverses it into a stiff elbow to the back of the head before tagging in Ambrose. Ambrose tosses Rollins out of the ring before diving through the middle rope and flooring Rollins.
Rollins attempts a German Suplex, but Ambrose reverses it into a Rainmaker Lariat. Not bad Ambrose… Not bad at all. Ambrose tags in Reigns who cleans house. Reigns gets distracted by Jamie Noble and eats a big boot by Kane. Ambrose dives off the top with a standing elbow drop but Rollins breaks up the count. Ambrose reverses a backslide attempt by Rollins to get the three count.
Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns defeated Seth Rollins and Kane via pin fall.
Well that seals Ambrose’s fate. He will lose at the ppv. One funny thing that comes out of this is at least Rollins can’t blame Kane for this one.
Backstage, J & J. Ambrose jumps Ambrose. Ambrose accidentally decks a cameraman. There is no way this doesn’t turn into a thing.
Singles Match: Rusev vs. R-Truth
Michael Cole notes that Rusev has moved back to Bulgaria. I guess going home after a bad break up… ok, can’t finish that sentence with a straight face. Let’s not dwell on this one too much we all know how this is going to end. Oh would you look at that, Truth just taped out. That might have been two minutes.
Rusev defeated R-Truth via submission.
After the match Rusev grabs the mic and begs Lana to come to the ring so they can talk.
Lana finally makes her way to the ring. Rusev tells Lana she knows why she is doing this. It’s because she is like all women. She wants him to pay attention to her… Look into my eyes… and you will see… all you mean to meeeeeee. Sorry, couldn’t help it. Rusev tells Lana to take his hand and all will be forgotten. Lana takes Rusev’s hand and they hug. Rusev asks her to say three little words, “I was wrong”. Someone want to break it to Rusev that Lana is a woman and there is no way that is happening?
Rusev tells Lana that he owns her. Lana gets in the ring and eithers Rusev. Lana leaves the ring as Dolph Ziggler’s music hits. Ziggler and Lana kiss once again. Rusev loses his mind in the ring. It’s hard to tell where this is going but so far it has been pretty entertaining.
Backstage The Authority brings in the cameraman and Ambrose is arrested for assault. Who knew this was 1999 all over again.
Singles Match: King Barrett vs. Ryback-
Barrett confuses the IC title for the WrestleMania sign and points to it before the match starts. The crowd is pretty dead for this match until Ryback calls for the Meathook. Ryback has his ribs taped and Cole notes that the injury came at the hands of Bray Wyatt. The fact that Cole called that out probably means the Ryback/Wyatt feud isn’t over, which is pretty sad. WWE, no one cares about that feud. Both wrestlers need to move on to something else. Ryback pins King Barrett after Shell Shocked.
Ryback defeated King Barrett via pin fall.
Singles Match: Stardust vs. Neville-
Before the match, Stardust gets in Stephen Amell (star of The CW’s Arrow) face. That was strange… Stardust spends the entire match working over Neville’s knee. Bo Dallas comes out to cheer on Stardust. Neville hits a tornado ddt, then the Red Arrow for the win.
Neville defeated Stardust via pin fall.
After the match JBL tells Stardust that he has failed this city- LOL. Bo Dallas attacked Neville after the match as well.
Backstage the stars of Entourage are… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz sorry, dosed off for a sec. Hey it’s Zack Ryder! One of the guys from Entourage are telling him he should… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Singles Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus-
Standard Ziggler/Sheamus match. Sheamus beats the tar out of Ziggler. Lana comes out on the stage. Rusev makes his way down to the ring, but Ziggler super kicks him. Ziggler turns around and walks right into a Brogue Kick by Sheamus.
Sheamus defeated Dolph Ziggler via pin fall.
After the match Rusev stares at Lana as he lays a whipping on Ziggler.
John Cena hit s the ring and babbles on and on about the Cena sucks chants, and eventually talks about how Kevin Owens knows how to start a fight. This Sunday we will find out if Owens can finish one.
US Title Match: John Cena (c ) vs…..
The cast of Entourage comes out and introduces Zack Ryder! Man it would be great to see Ryder win the US title again… Cena starts off by grounding Ryder. Ryder responses with a drop kick of the top rope. Ryder calls for the Broski Boot, but Cena moves out of the way. Cena sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but one of the actors from Entourage distracts Cena and Ryder rolls up Cena for a two count.
Killswitch by Ryder, but Cena kicks out again. Ryder hits the Rough Rider, but Cena once again kicks out. Ryder goes up top, but he misses his 450 splash attempts. Did any of you know he could do that? Cena hits the AA for the win.
John Cena defeated Zack Ryder via pin fall.
After the match, Kevin Owens teleports into the ring and drops Cena with another Pop-up Powerbomb. Seriously, where the hell did Owens come from?
Divas Match: Tamina w/Naomi vs. Paige-
The Bellas are on commentary… Which is just as painful as you would expect. Tamina tosses Paige to the outside of the ring. Tamina hits a jumping head-butt that floors Paige. Paige and Naomi trade punches and elbows. Tamina botches taking a few clotheslines and ends up on the outside of the ring. Paige hits a rolling senton. Before Paige can get in the ring, Naomi hits Paige with a shoe (yes you read that right). Tamina drops Paige with a Samoan drop for the win.
Tamina defeated Paige via pin fall.
In Rig Segment: The New Day-
All three remembers are very, very upset that they have to defend their tag titles in the Elimination Chamber. For some reason, a shirtless Kane comes out and tells them they have a one and six chance of winning, so in that respect the Chamber is fair. What is about to happen though is not. The New Day has to compete in a ten-on-three tag. This makes no sense.
Ten-on-Three Tag Match: The New Day vs. The Entire Tag Division-
Before the match can even start, everyone brawls. Not sure if this qualifies as a Donny Brook… Hmmm insert random phrase for a huge fight here.
In Ring Segment: The Authority-
A YouTube video is aired that shows Rollins pushing the cameraman into Ambrose before Ambrose struck him. Not sure how that helps Ambrose’s case, but kudos to WWE for leveraging YouTube to further a storyline. Before HHH can finish his thought Reigns hits the ring and attacks Rollins. The Authority destroys Reigns. As The Authority stands over Reigns, the paddy wagon that took Ambrose away inexplicably returns… With Ambrose driving it. Ambrose and Reigns dispatch the heels and Ambrose signs the contract for the world title shot.
This writer is no legal expert, but Ambrose getting released is one thing, it is another for him to be given a paddy wagon to drive so he can get back to the arena. We all know the only person who can do stuff like that is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Being told that anyone else could accomplish that is utterly preposterous.
This episode of Raw flat out wasn’t very good. They tried pretty hard to further the storyline going into Elimination Chamber, but they used every tired wrestling troupe in the book to attempt to do so. Ambrose gets arrested (and released) in under three hours. Both Bo Dallas and Kevin Owens attack Neville and Cena after their matches. Same stuff. Not one remotely surprising thing happened tonight. Scratch that, Lana’s lack of any emotion when Rusev attacked Ziggler was pretty surprising. If WWE wants us to buy this potential Lana/Ziggler “thing” she has to at least feign interest as his is getting the bludgeoned in the middle of the ring.
Lead up not withstanding, hopefully Elimination Chamber will buck the trend of subpar pay per views in-between WrestleMania and SummerSlam.