Kickoff Match
Tag Team Match Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Rybaxel-
"Axel and Ryback look like they had some of Betty Whites tea." Image Source: www.wwe.com Credit John Clapp
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Ok, maybe that statement is a little premature. Even still, you would be hard-pressed not to view The Rhodes Bros. being not only relegated to a match on the kickoff show, but also being forced to compete against a team like Rybaxel as a step backwards. Now don’t get it twisted, both Ryback and Curtis Axel are talented, but they are both going nowhere fast. The Rhodes Bros. were the tag team champions a few weeks ago. The Rhodes Bros. should be on the main card and another match, that we will get to later, should be on the kickoff show… and Rybaxel should be the main event on… well… Main Event.
And The Winners Are:
Cody Rhodes & Goldust. There is no way they lose this match. Cody gets the victory after he hits Cross Rhodes on Curtis Axel.
Main Card
Singles Match: Darren Young vs. Titus O’Neil-
"Insert Bobby Hennan joke about this being a hate crime here." Image Source: www.wwe.com Credit John Clapp
Remember that match mentioned above that should have been on the kickoff show? Yeah, it’s this one. A two week build up after a rushed nonsensical breakup. The WWE gives up on tag teams way to easily. This is the main reason the WWE tag team division is in shambles. Both Titus and Darren have great ability and it would be interesting to see what the WWE does with both of them moving forward, but it’s just too soon. Titus has US Champ written all over him. Darren on the other hand, doesn’t have as clear a path. If this was the 90’s he would be repackaged as Darren “The Model” Young or something equally as horrendous.
And The Winner Is:
Darren Youn… can’t even finish typing that. Titus O’Neil will win this match via the Clash of Titus. Here’s the thing though, he shouldn’t. Think about it, they are obviously going to push Titus as far as his personality will take him, but Darren on the other hand needs a rub. Have him surprise the “monster heel” Titus with a roll up to continue the feud. If Titus wins this match there is no reason to care about this feud moving forward.
Intercontinental Championship match: (C) Big E. vs. Jack Swagger-
"Sufferwing Succotash, Swaggeras Gonna winths!" Image Source: www.wwe.com Credit John Clapp
This is another one of those, gee we need an IC title match for the ppv (pulls out hat with names in it) Big E should face… should face… (digs in hat) Jack Swagger! All jokes aside, there was little to no build to this match, which is really a sign of the times in the WWE. They are trying to build Big E. up as a beast of a baby face and for the most part it is working (save for that horrible handicap match on RAW this past Monday).
Rumor has it there is a major push in line for Big E. and this run with the IC title is just a stepping stone. I get it. Big E. has the look. Doesn’t have great mic skills but with his look and skills he could eventually be a world champion. He would make a way better heel champion than a face solely based on those two facts. Swagger on the other hand is trending in the opposite direction. The Real Americans are clearly about to break up, with Cesaro getting a well-deserved push and Swagger will be left behind. Why? No clue. Swagger is a former World Heavyweight Champion but you couldn’t tell that by the way he has been booked in the past three years.
And The Winner Is:
Big E. There is no way this match doesn’t end with the Big Ending. Side note: the Big Ending is a silly finisher. Can someone please explain to me what it does or how it hurts? Whatever happened to a good old fashion powerbomb? Not that crap that Batista does, but a good old Mike Awesome/Psycho Sid/Vader type powerbomb? That would fit him perfectly.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: (C) The New Age Outlaws vs. The Usos-
"Age before... before... ok, got nothing. Carry on to the next sections." Image Source: www.wwe.com Credit John Clapp
From the moment the Outlaws won the tag belts this writer said it was solely so they could put the belts on the Usos without them having to beat the Rhodes Bros. That said, let’s not beat around the bush here…
And The Winner Is:
The New Age Outlaws! Ha! Gotcha! The Outlaws will retain the belts here, probably by cheating or something screwy along those lines. The Usos will win the tag belts at Wrestlemania.
Singles Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Batista-
'And the crowd goes mild!" Image Source: www.wwe.com Credit John Clapp
Batista seemingly doesn’t care about this match so why should we? They have done nothing but make Del Rio look terrible during this entire, ahem, “Feud”. Del Rio must really be leaving because this seems like the classic “Job a guy out because he is leaving” b.s. Why are they feeding Batista Del Rio? Why not go the Lesnar route and feed him Mark Henry or Big Show or someone like that. Del Rio has little to no credibility or heat at this point. They could have at least built him up before Batista returned to add some salsa to this taco… what? Meh, everybody’s a critic…
And The Winner Is:
Batista. This is a lock. This match ends in a Batista bomb.
The Shield vs. the Wyatt Family –
"Not sure if it's Duck Dynasty, or an episode of Cops..." Image Source: www.wwe.com Credit John Clapp
This is the most interesting match on the card. The build to it has been utterly amazing. The WWE has done a great job of building anticipation for some actual physicality between these two power house teams. Each combatant has had time to shine… well everyone except Eric Rowen. He doesn’t really get to do much. Not sure why that is, but I guess every team has that one guy that speaks softly and carries a big stick. His single word of dialog is effective (“Run!”) so I guess you take what you can get. I think the WWE sneakily made Reigns the leader of the Shield while no one was looking. He has taken point during every confrontation with the Shield. I think the WWE sneakily made Reigns the leader of the Shield while no one was looking. He has taken point during every confrontation with the Wyatt Family.
It’s been a long time since we have seen gang warfare in the WWE. It never gets old. One thing that confuses me is why this match isn’t in a chamber. That would have added some serious intrigue to the match. Maybe the reason they didn’t put it in the chamber is because we are going to see this match again at ‘Mania and they don’t want to blow their preverbal load so quickly.
And The Winner is:
The Wyatt Family. If they are going to go ahead with the rumored John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt at ‘Mania match they need Bray to come out on top here. Even money is he hits Sister Abigail Seth Rollins (Don’t act like you didn’t see that coming, he always gets pinned) after Seth hits his finish on Rowen or Harper.
Moving forward I fully expect the rise of Roman Reigns to continue. More tension will present itself and the Shield will implode. If we don’t end up with a triple threat for the WWE World title, we will get one for the US title featuring each member of the Shield.
Elimination Chamber Match: (C) Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. Christian vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro vs. Sheamus-
"Who will Randy Orton give the last rose to? Tune in Sunday night to find out1" Image Source: www.wwe.com Credit John Clapp
It's time for the main event! This match has many different possible outcomes it makes my head spin. The WWE has done a great job booking Orton these past few weeks. He has been loosing (and winning) matches left and right. It gives you a sense of mystery to the possible outcome. Cesaro defeated Orton last week on Smackdown could he possibly do it again at the Chamber? Of course he could. That doesn't mean he could get past John Cena or Daniel Bryan or anyone else in the match. Even money would have said it would have to be Orton or Cena who will win, but you have to consider the backlash from Bryan not being in the Rumble. How the hell can the WWE survive another catastrophe like that? In a word: Easily!
One thing people need to keep in mind is they don't care what we think. Do you want to know why? Because we will look regardless of that fact. What incentive do they have to give the people what they want? I'm a word: None!
All that said, I think Cesaro will have a very strong showing in the Chamber. It seems as though they are debating on strapping a rocketing him to superstar status. Look for him to eliminate one or two competitors in the chamber.
That brings us to the curious case of Christian. Full discloser: Christian is one of my favorites. He has been booked terribly the past few years. He just doesn't work as a face. Never has, except for when he was riding the Edge retirement wave and won two world titles. Rumor has it they maybe looking to replace Christian in the match. We'll get to my theory on that when we get to who the winner will be.
Sheamus winning would be a surprise, but not totally out of the realm of possibility. From a story line perspective, not quite sure how that works for ‘Mania.
Before Orton was booked to lose so many matches, this writer thought he was a lock to win. It just seemed like another one of those times the WWE were going to force a main event down our throats that no one besides Vince wants to see. Now? It’s not so clear. All though, having Orton lose to Cena, Bryan and Cesaro my just have been a bait and switch on their part.
With the advent of the WWE Network, it doesn’t look like they are concerned with buy rates in the traditional sense. In the past, when buy rates were at stake, Cena would automatically be placed in the main even, if anything, just to sell ppvs. . Let me explain: The WWE doesn’t have to really worry about buy rates anymore. Granted some cable/dish providers are carrying ‘Mania, but they clearly think they will make their money via WWE Network subscriptions. All that said, I think Cena is being saved for Bray Wyatt at ‘Mania.
That leads us to the man of the hour. Daniel Bryan. Should he win this match? Yes. Will he win this match? Ehhh… Not so sure about that. There is a rumor floating around that ‘Taker wants him at ‘Mania. If that is true, there is no way he is going to win this match.
All that said… The Winner Is...
No one! Stay with me here: The last three wrestlers are Cena, Bryan, and Orton. Cena gets distracted/attacked by the Wyatts, which leads to Orton getting the pin on Cena. Last two combatants are Orton and Bryan. Remember, now the Chamber is open. This will lead to one of two things-
Kane gets involved, and through a series of nutty events, chokeslams both Orton and Bryan which leads to a double pin. (Orton stupidly gets in Kane’s face and pisses him off to the point he chokeslams him as well)
Or they pull the double object (chair/sledgehammer) bit out and both are knocked unconscious. You are probably asking what the point of any of that would be. It would give us a triple threat at ‘Mania. Batista vs. Orton vs. Bryan. Boom! Everyone goes home happy.
One Side Note:
As previously stated, there were rumblings that Christian may be replaced in this match. If that does happen, I fully expect Brock Lesnar to attack Christian and take his spot in the Chamber. If this happens, Brock Lesnar will walk out of the Chamber as the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. It could happen!