If Premier League clubs were household items...
Who would Sergio Aguero and his Manchester City teammates be? (Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)

AFC Bournemouth


God knows how the bidet got into usage in this country and even more so, why it’s still here. Sometimes it can have a use and it is always something to talk about but it is most definitely on its way out.



The sofa has seemingly been around forever and it would be weird not to have one. The look of the sofa can dictate the way the house looks a lot of the time. Always seems to be involved whenever anything is going on in the house.

Aston Villa


A chimney was good back in the day but nowadays it is fairly pointless. It is worth noting that the house would look a little off without one there but when you think about it, you could do without it.

Brighton and Hove Albion


Most of the time candles are pretty irrelevant but, when you get it going, it can be quite pleasant. Sometimes brings an atmosphere to a dim room so pretty useful to have around but could be let go quite easily.



The boiler works very hard without getting the plaudits it often deserves. It's often missed when it isn’t working properly and is definitely noticed when it isn't there.



A lamp is always nice to have and is sometimes brilliant, lighting up the house when the mood dictates. Equally, it can be useless.

Crystal Palace


The carpet gets walked over a lot but, by now, it’d be weird not to have it around. Always has some down points but it is generally fairly likable.


Front Door

The front door doesn't get the recognition it deserves. If the front door is ugly, then the house often looks ugly however the right front door can make the house look impressive.

Leicester City

Kitchen/dinner table

The kitchen table (or dinner table) does have some glory moments every now and again and it is generally solid. Not every house has a kitchen table and it shows as now it is 



Always been around. Some cheaper alternatives but not much comes close for getting the job done but can sometimes falter under pressure because, as everyone knows, a watched kettle never boils. Massively rivaled with the coffee machine and generally, you either prefer one or the other.

Manchester City

Coffee machine

The coffee machine is new and stylish in some respects. It can be expensive but it does always gets the job done. Currently rivaling the kettle for basically the same job.

Manchester United


The television is very much for granted nowadays but it is still a crucial part of the house. Success is slowing down thanks to newer, more exciting services but it will still be there when you need it the most. The brand and style is a big factor in how successful it is.

Newcastle United


Useless in the summer. Need I say more?

Norwich City

Video player

Pretty useless (especially at the moment). Had some glory moments and, at one point there was the hope of a revival but rightfully on its way out.

Sheffield United

Cheese grater

The cheese grater doesn’t come out very often, but when it does it is the key to a successful meal. Doesn’t look it but it can be very sharp and can do you real damage



The radio has had some good moments in the past and will have some good ones again. It isn't necessarily needed anymore but it's quite nice to have one around. It can sometimes be better than the newer, fancier mediums but only on rare occasions.

Tottenham Hotspur


The mirror will always get walked past and you only start noticing how often it gets used and how key it is when you really think about it. If you get a nice one then it can make a room look really good but an ugly or broken one is absolutely useless.


Fancy, jet shower

Likes to think it is fancier than it actually is. The same job could be done by a normal one.

West Ham United

DVD Player

The DVD was much loved but is generally fairly useless nowadays. Probably on its way out because of newer services such as Netflix.

Wolverhampton Wanderers


It takes an old idea and is making it brand new and is pretty successful. Of course, it has its moments but works wonderfully a lot of the time. Replacing old mediums such as the DVD player.